You probably remember your version of “the talk.” Maybe it was a rushed, awkward moment in the car. Maybe it never happened at all. Or maybe your parents tossed you a book, mumbled something about “changes,” and called it a day.
For a lot of us, talking about sex growing up was a mix of confusion, embarrassment, and silence. No one explained it clearly, but somehow you were expected to figure it out and not mess it up.
Fast forward to today.
As a culture, we’ve gotten more open about sex. There are conversations about consent, gender, and healthy relationships in schools, media, and social spaces. Which is great. But at the same time, access to sexual content has exploded. Kids don’t just stumble upon sex in a PG-13 movie anymore. It’s everywhere.
TikTok, YouTube, and social media are all full of half-true “advice” and unfiltered opinions.
Do you want TikTok to be the first place your kid learns about sex? Heck no.
So how do you talk to your kids about love, sex, and relationships without fear, shame, or awkward panic?
It starts with breaking the cycle.
We Know It’s Awkward
Even the most confident parent can feel their stomach drop when a kid asks, “Where do babies come from?” Or “What’s sex?” Or the more modern classic: “What’s a situationship?”
It’s okay to freeze for a second. The goal isn’t to have the perfect answer. It’s to keep the conversation open.
Your kid doesn’t need a TED Talk on anatomy. They need honesty. Comfort. Curiosity. They need to know you’re a safe place to ask questions, even the big ones that make you want to hide behind the refrigerator door.
Remember, You Set the Tone
When you respond with panic or discomfort, your child learns: this topic is off limits. When you respond calmly and curiously, they learn: I can talk to my parent about this.
And that’s huge. Because if they can’t talk to you, they’ll find answers elsewhere, and that “elsewhere” probably doesn’t have your kid’s best interests at heart.
You don’t need to be an expert. You just need to be open. You can even say, “That’s a great question. Let’s find the answer together.” That models curiosity and care, not shame.
How to Answer Kids’ Big (and Unexpected) Questions About Sex and Relationships
1. Start early and keep it going.
The talk shouldn’t be one big conversation that happens at age 13 and ends with “Okay, glad we covered that.” It’s an ongoing series of little talks over time.
When kids are young, start with body parts and boundaries. As they get older, add conversations about relationships, respect, and emotional connection. Keep it age-appropriate, but always honest.
2. Don’t overcomplicate it.
When your 7-year-old asks, “How does a baby get in a mommy’s tummy?” you don’t have to give a full biology lecture. Simple answers work. “Grown-ups make a baby when they share a special kind of love, and their bodies work together to help it grow.”
When they’re ready for more details, they’ll ask. And when they do, you’ll be ready.
3. Listen before you answer.
Before you start explaining, ask what they already know. You might be surprised by what they’ve heard. It also helps you clear up any misconceptions before they become “facts.”
4. Talk about feelings, not just facts.
Sex involves more than just anatomy. It’s about connection, trust, respect, and care. Help them understand that healthy relationships involve kindness and communication, not pressure or fear.
Say things like, “Sex should always be something that feels good emotionally and physically for both people.” Or, “Real love means listening and respecting each other’s boundaries.”
5. Use real-life moments.
You don’t have to sit down at the kitchen table and make an announcement. Use what comes up naturally, like shows, music videos, and comments from friends, to start conversations.
If a movie shows a couple kissing, you can ask, “What do you think about how they treated each other?” These small, everyday check-ins add up.
Helping Kids Understand Love, Sex, and Healthy Relationships
Here’s what most of us didn’t get as kids: sex is about being human. Helping your kids understand that love and sex go hand in hand with respect, emotional connection, and self-worth sets them up for healthier relationships down the road.
You can teach them:
- Love isn’t about control or convincing.
- Boundaries are not selfish.
- Consent is always required.
- You deserve relationships where you feel safe and valued.
These are the messages that help them grow into adults who know what healthy intimacy looks like and what red flags to avoid.
You Get to Rewrite the Story
Maybe you never had someone talk to you about sex in a healthy way. Maybe your experience was filled with confusion or shame. You can change that story for your kids.
You can make sex a normal topic, not a scary one. You can raise kids who come to you first with their questions because they trust you.
When you talk about these things with honesty, humor, and compassion, you build connections. You show your child that love and sex aren’t dirty or embarrassing. It’s a natural part of life.
That’s how you raise kids who grow up knowing how to love with confidence and kindness.
Feeling Stuck on What to Say?
You’re not alone. These conversations can feel intimidating. If you grew up without good examples, it makes sense you’d feel unsure where to start.
At The Center for Couples and Sex Therapy, we help parents navigate these tricky talks with confidence and compassion. We work with families to replace shame with openness and fear with trust because talking about sex should strengthen your bond, not strain it.
If you’d like support starting these conversations or want guidance on how to approach your child’s questions in a healthy way, reach out. We’re here to help you break the cycle.
Because your kids deserve to learn about love, sex, and relationships from you and not from TikTok.
