You’ve probably heard the phrase “sex therapy” and thought, “That’s not for me.”
Maybe it sounds intimidating. Maybe you picture awkward silence, blushing faces, or a therapist asking you way too many personal questions.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
If you’re struggling with intimacy, mismatched desire, or communication around sex, you’re far from alone. And yet, so many people avoid getting help because of myths that just won’t die.
Let’s bust a few of the biggest ones.
Myth #1: “Sex therapy means we have to talk about everything we do in bed.”
Nope. You don’t have to share every detail.
In fact, you’re in charge of what you share. A good sex therapist won’t pressure you to talk about anything you’re not ready for. Instead, the focus is on helping you explore what’s getting in the way of connection.
- Maybe it’s stress.
- Maybe it’s performance anxiety.
- Maybe it’s years of not feeling desired or seen.
You’ll talk about emotions, communication, and the beliefs you hold about sex and not just positions or frequency.
Sex therapy will help you uncover what’s blocking your closeness to find your way back to comfort and confidence.
Myth #2: “Sex therapy is only for people with serious problems.”
Think of sex therapy like couples therapy for your intimate life. You don’t have to wait for a crisis.
Maybe you and your partner are happy, but things feel a little routine. Or maybe you’re not having sex as often as you used to, and you’re wondering why.
Sex therapy can help with:
- Low or mismatched desire
- Painful intercourse
- Difficulty reaching orgasm
- Performance anxiety
- Communication about fantasies or needs
- Reconnecting emotionally and physically
You don’t need to be in crisis to deserve a healthy, satisfying sex life.
Myth #3: “Sex therapy means the therapist watches us or gives us homework we have to do in session.”
We get it.. this is a big fear. And let’s be clear: sex therapy is talk therapy.
There’s no sexual activity during sessions. Ever.
What might happen is your therapist suggests exercises to try at home. Things like mindfulness, body awareness, or ways to communicate your desires.
Think of it like homework for connection. Not a performance test.
In sex therapy, you’ll co-create a space where you can talk openly about intimacy, shame, or anxiety, without fear of being judged or embarrassed.
Myth #4: “Sex therapy will make me feel uncomfortable or ashamed.”
That’s the opposite of what it’s designed to do.
You might feel nervous at first (that’s completely normal), but a skilled sex therapist helps create a space of compassion, curiosity, and safety.
You’ll never be judged for what you like, what you don’t like, or what you’ve been through.
Many people actually feel relieved after their first session, like they’ve finally said out loud something they’ve been carrying for years.
Sex therapy can help you move from shame and silence toward confidence and connection.
Myth #5: “My therapist will tell me I’m broken.”
There’s nothing “broken” about you.
Sometimes your body and mind just need help finding their rhythm again. Stress, trauma, relationship tension, or even cultural messages about sex can all interfere with desire and pleasure.
Sex therapy helps you understand how your experiences, beliefs, and emotions impact intimacy. And helps you discover what you can do about it.
Myth #6: “If we go to sex therapy, it means our relationship is in trouble.”
Actually, it means you care enough to invest in it.
Couples who come to sex therapy are often trying to deepen their relationship, not end it. They want to feel closer, communicate better, and rebuild trust or spark.
Think of it like tuning up your connection before it breaks down. A little oil check for your relationship.
Sex therapy can help you rediscover why you fell in love in the first place, and create a more fulfilling, honest, and enjoyable partnership.
Why Talking About Sex Feels So Hard
Sex is one of the most vulnerable things we experience as humans. It’s tied to identity, confidence, pleasure, and even safety.
So when things aren’t working the way you hoped, it can feel like something’s wrong with you or your relationship. That’s why so many people stay quiet.
But silence builds distance. And distance builds resentment.
Talking about sex openly, with a therapist who specializes in it, can help break that cycle.
When you can finally talk about what you want and need, connection starts to grow again.
What to Expect in Sex Therapy
If you decide to start sex therapy, here’s what it might look like:
- A comfortable, private space to talk about intimacy, desire, and relationship patterns.
- Gentle exploration of emotional and physical factors affecting your sex life.
- Collaborative guidance. You set the pace, and the therapist supports you in finding solutions that feel right for you.
- Homework or exercises that help you connect with your body and partner outside of sessions.
The goal is deeper connection, clearer communication, and more joy in your relationship. AND better sex.
If you’re ready to work through sexual challenges, heal from shame, or rekindle intimacy with your partner, our team of sex and couples therapists in Portland can help.
