For most couples, a date night typically goes one of two ways: (1) you have a wonderfully romantic and sexually satisfying evening together or (2) you don’t do anything special and end the day feeling disappointed, unappreciated, and sexually dead inside.
This post is for those of us in the second category.
We’re constantly bombarded with images of perfect relationships that cause us to expect an evening of romance and mind-blowing sex. This sounds great… why then is it so hard for couples to make the expectation a reality?
The explanation is simple. In order to have great sex we must first feel the desire to connect with our partner sexually. The most important factor in building desire is anticipation.
Now, there are two different types of anticipation – positive anticipation and negative anticipation.
- Positive anticipation → not being able to stop thinking about an upcoming sexual encounter with your partner
- Negative anticipation → feeling dread and anxiety knowing that you’re expected to have sex tonight
Events like a date night (and birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc.) tend to create negative anticipation. It’s not that you don’t want to have great sex with your partner. You do! But you’re tired, overwhelmed, and really just don’t need another item added to your to-do list.
The solution to the problem is to turn negative anticipation into positive anticipation. Instead of dreading the obligatory date night encounter, you need to feel excited at the opportunity to plan an erotic and pleasurable evening with your partner.
Here are a few suggestions to create positive anticipation for great sex:
- Have a conversation with your partner about your expectations. Do you want to start the evening off with a massage and then focus on foreplay (no intercourse)? Do you want to meet at a hotel and have an evening of passionate sex? Your partner will never know what you really want sexually if you don’t tell them!
- Make a plan. You’ve discussed your desires, now make it a reality! We all want sex to be spontaneous, but honestly, it doesn’t happen that way in our busy lives. Plan out every detail of the evening so that there are no barriers between you and great sex.
- Build positive anticipation by sending each other sexy texts and messages between now and your date night to build anticipation for your sexy evening together.
Good luck! I hope you have a lovely a night full of love and intimacy.