Maybe the sex you’re having is good, but it could be better. Are you looking for ways to dial up the fun in the bedroom? Don’t worry, because most people are too.
After all, who doesn’t want better sex?
If things have gotten a little routine, there are things you can do to reignite the excitement and pleasure.
Read on for our best advice for taking your sex life from mundane to mind-blowing.
Be Vocal About What Feels Good
Unfortunately, your partner can’t mind-read you to better sex. If your sex feels a little lackluster, it could be that your partner just doesn’t know what makes you tick.
Give them some direction if you’re not getting what you want. Try saying, “I love it when you…” or, “It feels amazing when you…” to get things going. Your partner will probably be thrilled to know how you want to be touched.
And don’t be afraid to be direct during sex. Guide them with your words—here, slower, faster, gentler, firmer.
Seek New Experiences
Novelty is like a shot of adrenaline. It gets us going, jolts us out of our routine, and makes us feel alive. It’s a way to bring some excitement and energy back into your life when things are feeling a bit dull.
You may have a couple of tried and true sexual positions, but maybe it’s time to jump out of your comfort zone and try something new.
- Explore any fantasies you’ve always wanted to try
- Discover BDSM and kink with your partner
- Try out a new sex toy
- Take a class or workshop from a local sexual wellness center in your area
- Book a couples retreat
- Engage in sensation play
You never know, you might just open up a new world of sexual exploration for you and your partner.
Make Sure the Context Is Right
Does sex feel more like a chore than something to look forward to?
It’s hard to get in the headspace for sexual activities when the dishes are piled high, you’ve been working and taking care of the kids all day, and you’re just plain exhausted.
Make sure you’re prioritizing your romantic and intimate relationship by setting aside time for dates, conversation, and physical affection.
Is your mile-high to-do list making it hard to get into the mood? Before having sex, do something relaxing and bonding—like taking a bath together or having a nice dinner.
Is stress your desire destroyer? Destress together through yoga, meditation, exercise or a creative activity.
Feeling unsexy? Find out what helps you feel sexier—lingerie, a new outfit, dancing, working out, listening to music, and do it!
Many people don’t realize how much context plays into our level of desire and enjoyment of sex.
Help yourself to better sex by setting the stage for you and your partner to access that pleasure.
Get Out of Your Head
You can’t have great sex when these thoughts are racing through your head:
- “Do I look awkward?”
- “Am I doing this right?”
- “Will I orgasm?”
When you’re having sex, are you focusing on the feelings of intimacy and the sensations you’re experiencing with your partner? Or is your mind preoccupied with your performance and achieving a specific end goal?
You can’t make your body respond in specific ways at specific times. And worrying about it is not going to help. It’s going to make it much harder to enjoy the sex you’re having.
To have better sex, you need to get out of your head and into the moment. You might need to work on building your mindfulness skill set. Focus on the sensations of the present moment and let go of how sex “should” look or feel like.
Making lubricant a routine part of your sex life (solo or partnered!) can propel your pleasure to new heights. Lubricant enhances pleasure by heightening sensations and reducing friction.
If you or your partner suffers from vaginal dryness, lube can be your absolute best friend and can help you have better and more comfortable sex. But, lube isn’t just for those with vaginas, lube is for everyone!
So whether you’re having a solo session with a new toy or getting intimate with your partner, anyone can have more enjoyable sex with a little lube.
Address Any Sexual Pain
Sex should feel good. If you’re experiencing any pain, something needs to be changed. You may just need to adjust your position or add a bit of lubricant.
Or, it might be a more serious issue. The pain could be a sign of a pain disorder, an infection, vaginal dryness, or something else entirely. Talk to your doctor if you’re experiencing chronic pain during sex.
And if your doctor is unable to find the root cause of your pain, consider seeing a sex therapy professional.
Bring Play Into the Bedroom
As we get older, we tend to become less playful. Unfortunately, this is hurting our romantic relationships. Adults need to play too!
A bit of silliness, make-believe, and lighthearted fun can go a long way toward keeping the spark alive in a relationship. It also helps to ease the stress of day-to-day life and can make couple-time more enjoyable.
Play helps us feel more connected to our partner and can increase the overall satisfaction we feel in the relationship.
The best part is, it doesn’t take much to add a little bit of playfulness into your relationship. Here are a few ideas:
- Dance to your favorite songs
- Make up nicknames and jokes together
- Play games together — anything from puzzles to kinky games
- Play wrestle and tickle fights
- Try out fantasies and role-playing
- Try a new sex toy
- Visit a sex shop together
- Engage in sensation play (ice cubes, feathers, etc)
- Laugh when things get weird or awkward!
Goodbye Boring, Hello Better Sex
Having great sex sometimes feels like the stars need to be aligned—but it often just takes addressing a few things holding you back from accessing that pleasure.
Better sex is not so out of reach. It might mean addressing how you and your partner set the mood for sex, finding what you most enjoy during sex, or how you prioritize your intimate relationship.
Go in with an open mind, a heart full of compassion, and a playful spirit, and you’re sure to have more enjoyable sex.
Need more support? Click here to learn more about how we help individuals and couples have better sex. And feel free to reach out when you’re ready.