You and your partner have already gone through the figuring-out phase.
You know what the other one likes. You know when, where, and how fast to go.
But months, years, or decades of the same old routine can become, well, routine.
It can get a little boring doing the same thing over and over again. Even your favorite movie gets old if that’s all you watch.
How do you make things a little more fun and exciting again?
Don’t worry, you don’t need to overhaul your entire sex life. But adding some novelty to your routine might be just what you need to start having fun again during sex.
Try these tips to maximize the fun.
1. Talk About Sex (Often!)
This one seems obvious, but so many people are afraid to talk about their fantasies and desires.
And the more you talk about sex with your partner, the easier it gets. And you’re more likely to have the sex you actually want!
Talk about what turns you on lately.
You may be surprised to find that the sex that interested you in the past is not what you want now. Desires, curiosities, and preferences change over time.
Start the conversation, and keep it going.
2. Add New Positions to Your Rotation
If you’re like most couples, you have one or two positions that are your go-to’s.
But think back to the beginning—before they became the preferred positions, you had to try them with your partner for the first time.
What if you find a new position you love even more?
Buy a book, a deck of cards, or browse the internet to research some different positions to try. Work with your partner to put together a list, and commit to trying a new one each time you have sex.
3. Experiment With Different Types of Stimulation
Sensation play is about engaging all your senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. And it can be one of the most fun activities you try during sex.
For instance, some people find that the intensity of an ice cube gliding along the skin boosts arousal. Others like the feeling of warm massage candle wax dripping along their arms or legs.
Just be sure to avoid sensitive areas and follow all the safety instructions before applying!
Other things that can be used to explore sensation play:
- Massage oils
- Sensual music
Sensation play is a simple but effective way to boost arousal. Plus—the possibilities are endless.
4. Change the Pace
Whether it’s conscious or not, your sex probably follows a rhythm. Switch up the pace from time to time.
Try to slow it down and take your sweet time with each other. This can be a great way to increase your presence and intimacy. You’d be surprised how a simple shift in pace can amplify sensation and arousal.
And next time, up the speed and intensity to have a totally different experience.
5. Try That Thing You’ve Always Wanted to Try
Sticking to the familiar is a normal human impulse. Things that are tried and true can be comforting, but they can also become bland and boring after a while.
Taking a little venture out of your comfort zone means trying something you’re unsure about, but you’ve been curious to try.
Now, this doesn’t mean doing something that makes you or your partner uncomfortable. You should never feel pressured to do something you don’t feel comfortable trying. Remember, this is all about how to make sex more fun—not more stressful.
But there’s probably something you’ve seen or heard about that you’ve wanted to experiment with. Explore that desire!
6. Use Sex Toys for Extra Pleasure
We live in an age of high-tech toys and shareable gadgets. From solo play to devices your partner can control from a distance—sex toys have come a long way. There’s truly something for everyone.
Make a date to your local sex shop and peruse their selection. Try a new toy each month. When you experiment with different sensations and experiences—you’ll be sure to have a blast.
7. Incorporate Fantasy and Role-Play Into Your Sex Life
What could be more fun than adding play? If having sex with your long-term partner has lost its excitement, try taking on a new role. You get to let go of yourself and play someone else for a change.
Talk about how you’d like to incorporate some sexual role-play with your partner. What types of scenarios turn you on? Strangers meeting for the first time? Power dynamics (e.g doctor/patient)? Negotiate the roles and establish boundaries so everyone knows what to expect.
Then bring out the costumes, put together a few props to set the scene, and throw yourself into the fantasy!
8. Try New Locations and Settings
There’s lots to love about sex in bed, but it’s not the only place you’re allowed to have sex. What sorts of sexy antics can you get up to in your home office or kitchen?
Or if you want an exciting change without sacrificing comfort—try sex in the living room or guest room. Guest rooms and living rooms offer furnishings and sufficient support (with couches, chairs, and cushions) to stay comfortable. But the venue change can make a world of difference.
9. Make It a Game
What better way to add fun and games to your sex life than by actually busting out some sexual games?
You can try:
- Sexy board/card games
- Sex position dice
- Spinning a wheel of activities
- Making up your own game
These types of games can help you find ways to engage in sex that you never thought about before. Many of these games include drawing a card and following the activities it suggests for you.
Of course, you never have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But it can be a great way to expand your imagination and explore new ways to turn each other on.
10. Stop Focusing on the End Goal
A great way to remove the fun out of sex is by stressing over achieving that orgasm in the end. If that’s your main focus, you’re missing out on a big portion of intimacy.
Sex is more than a few seconds of pleasure. The build-up plays an equal role.
Whether it’s experimenting with new sensations, trying a toy for the first time, or creating your own game—sex and intimacy are about the full experience.
Let go of reaching a certain outcome. And embrace different ways of sexually engaging with your partner to heighten sensations, boost physical and emotional intimacy, and have a blast while doing it.
Now Go and Have Fun With Sex
Bring that sense of fun back by opening up your mind and your bedroom door to new possibilities. Be creative, be curious, and the fun will follow.
Of course, it’s one thing to think about all the fun sex ideas you could try, and another to actually put a plan into motion.
Sometimes partners just can’t seem to get out of a rut, or struggle opening up about their sexual needs. If something is keeping you and your partner from accessing that fun and excitement in your sex life—it’s okay to seek help.
Sex therapy is all about breaking down the barriers to good sex. Our therapists are ready to help you access the fun and pleasure you deserve. If you’re ready to talk, we’re here to help.