Decreased Sex Drive After Having Kids

Decreased Sex Drive After Giving Birth

It’s totally normal to have a decreased sex drive after giving birth. This could last for months, and it could range from a slight decrease to a complete loss of desire. Different factors contribute to a decreased sex drive after giving birth. Many hormonal shifts are taking place in your body, making you feel off balance. New babies are demanding both physically and emotionally.

The good news is that for most women this decreased sex drive is temporary. Considering couples’ therapy can be an easy way for you and your partner to rebuild a satisfying sexual relationship.

How to get my sex drive back after having a baby

It’s important to realize that after giving birth, you and your partner can feel a disconnection due to not only all the physical and emotional attention sent to your baby, but also because your baby is consuming so much of your time and energy.

Sexual intimacy needs to be a priority. It’s important not to force anything. Start by engaging in nonsexual physical intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, caressing, saying your fantasies out loud, and just go a little bit farther every time. Try to be sexual a minimum of once a week. This way you can stay connected and committed to intimacy. Remember: sex begets sex.

Regaining your sexual self-esteem

You’re probably thinking, “How can I feel sexy if I’ve been peed on, pooped on, and I’m pretty much a feeding machine?” Despite how you may feel about yourself, plenty of husbands still think, “my wife is sexy as hell”. You can see the disconnect, right? To connect again, you both need to make some changes.

First, moms, ask yourself what will it take to make you feel sexier. A mani/pedi? Going to the gym? Spa day? New lingerie? New hairdo? There are so many things you can do to feel sexier. Make a list and try something new every day.

Now, dads, it’s time you take over some of the chores. Moms usually end up with most of the chores in addition to taking care of the baby. Take over the laundry, give the baby a bath, prepare the babies’ food, change the sheets. There are so many things you can do to help her. Ask her where she needs help and make a list.

Do something memorable together. Go out on dates, concerts, put on the heels, get new clothes – even if it’s something simple like a candle light dinner at home, dress up! This can stimulate your sexual desire.

Sex after the baby

Finally, we’re talking about sex! After your caregiver gives you the “OK” to start having sex again, it’s safe for you to go for it.

There may still be some concerns about having sex after the baby. Some women worry that it will be painful or uncomfortable. Just think about how you had some of the same concerns the first time you had sex, and it only got better from there! Also, just to be safe, make sure you’re using a water-based lubricant.

Many women struggle with postpartum depression. If this is you, we highly recommend you start with therapy instead of trying to overcome it by yourself.

Other women are afraid of becoming pregnant again. This is normal, too, especially if you’re using a new form of contraception. Just be extra careful or use a condom.

Remember that having sex again after giving birth is something all parents go through. With the help of a couples therapist, you can overcome your fears and sexual self-esteem feelings and get back on track to a satisfying sexual relationship.


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