You’ve seen the posts.
Matching pajamas. Surprise getaways. Candlelit dinners in perfect lighting. Long captions filled with #blessed and #relationshipgoals.
Instagram is full of polished, pretty snapshots of couples who seem to have it all. And while there’s nothing wrong with celebrating love online, these images can quietly shape what we think a “good” relationship should look like.
But you know the truth… most of what we see online is a highlight reel. Not real life.
What’s The Problem With “Instagram Goals”?
When we scroll through couples’ vacation photos or watch TikToks of partners doing choreographed dances, we start to feel something. Maybe envy. Maybe self-doubt. Maybe even shame.
Maybe you find yourself wondering:
- “Why don’t we look that happy?”
- “Should we be doing more fun things together?”
- “Are we boring?”
But those curated moments don’t tell the full story.
They don’t show the arguments. The silence. The difficult conversations. The mess. They don’t show therapy sessions, apologies, or moments when someone chooses patience over perfection.
And most importantly, they don’t define what makes a relationship healthy, safe, and meaningful.
What Real Relationship Goals Look Like
Real relationship goals aren’t made for likes or followers.
They’re made for real life, for those quiet moments in the kitchen, the tense mornings after a hard night, and the years spent growing together.
Here are some relationship goals that actually matter:
- Feeling safe enough to be your full self
A healthy relationship is one where you can take off the mask. You can say, “I’m not okay” without being judged. You can express joy, anger, sadness, and fear, and know your partner won’t punish or shame you for it.
- Being able to repair after conflict
All couples fight, even the happy ones. What matters is how you repair and come back together. Real relationship goals include learning how to apologize, how to listen when it’s hard, and how to rebuild trust after tension.
- Knowing each other’s triggers, and tending to them
Maybe your partner needs space after a disagreement. Maybe you need reassurance. The goal shouldn’t be to avoid every hard feeling, but to understand and respond to one another with care.
- Supporting each other’s growth
You’re not meant to stay the same. Healthy relationships make room for change. Maybe one of you wants to go back to school. Maybe one of you is healing from trauma. True partnership means holding space for evolution.
- Having hard conversations, even when it’s awkward
Talking about finances, sex, family, and the future isn’t always glamorous. But couples who talk through the tough stuff tend to have stronger connections. Avoiding hard conversations often leads to bigger problems later.
- Laughing at the little things
Laughter over shared inside jokes, dance parties while folding laundry, or that weird noise your partner makes when they’re sleepy? That’s a real connection.
- Feeling like a team
Even when life gets stressful, it helps to feel like you’re on the same side. Not perfect. Not always aligned. But choosing each other again and again, on purpose.
Instagram vs. Reality: Let’s Be Honest
Instagram might show the sunset photos. Reality is sometimes dishes in the sink and a text that says, “Sorry about earlier. Can we talk?”
Instagram might show the anniversary surprise. Reality is learning your partner’s love language and showing up in small, daily ways that matter more than any big gesture.
Instagram might show the proposal video.
Reality is navigating grief together. Parenting struggles. Career changes. And still sitting down, week after week, to say, “I want to keep working on this with you.”
Setting Your Relationship Goals
There’s nothing wrong with wanting beautiful moments. But instead of comparing your relationship to curated content, try asking:
Do I feel emotionally safe with my partner?
Can we talk openly, even about hard things?
Are we growing together, not just staying stuck?
Do we know how to repair when things go wrong?
Can we laugh together, even when life feels heavy?
If the answer is “yes” to even some of those, you’re building something real. If the answer is “not yet,” that doesn’t mean failure. It means you’re aware, and awareness is the first step toward change.
Real Goals Take Real Work
Healthy relationships don’t just “happen.” They’re built. Not with perfect moments, but with intentional ones. Not with grand gestures, but with honest conversations.
Therapy can help with that. Many couples come to therapy not because something is broken, but because they want to grow together with more awareness, communication, and emotional connection.
Here at the Center in Portland, we understand the pressure to have a picture-perfect relationship. But we also know the beauty of real love, the kind built on presence, truth, and care.
If you and your partner want to reconnect, improve communication, or simply be more intentional in your relationship, we’re here to support you.
Your relationship deserves more than filters and hashtags, it deserves the real thing.
