You and your partner used to be inseparable. The intimacy you had was vibrant and full of so much passion and excitement. 

Nights were filled with soft whispers and touches, and the mornings greeted you with a sense of connection. But as time went on, things began to change. 

Work became more demanding, stress levels rose, and maybe even kids entered the picture. 

Now, the energy you once had for each other feels like a lifetime ago.

Do you find yourself wondering, “What happened to us?”

Does it feel like your desire has vanished? 

Maybe you don’t initiate sex anymore, and when your partner reaches out, you’re often too tired or distracted to reciprocate. 

It’s not that you don’t love them – in fact you do, deeply – but the spark is dimmed, and the closeness you once had feels like a memory.

Does this sound like your life? If so, you’re not alone. Many couples experience this shift in their relationship, and it often leads to feelings of frustration and disconnection. But there’s hope. 

Understanding what libido is and where it comes from can be the first step toward reigniting that lost desire.

What is Libido?

Libido is your sexual desire, the drive that compels you to seek out sexual activity. It’s influenced by a mix of physical, emotional, and psychological factors. Your hormones, mental health, stress levels, and even your relationship dynamics all play a role in determining your libido.

Sexual desire can manifest in different ways and doesn’t look the same for everyone. 

Some people experience spontaneous desire, where they feel aroused out of the blue. Others have responsive desire, where arousal comes after physical or emotional intimacy has begun. Understanding which type of desire you have can help you figure out how to nurture it.

But it’s important to realize that when your libido is low, it can affect the intimacy in your relationship. You might feel disconnected from your partner, which can lead to a cycle of less intimacy and even lower desire.

But here’s the good news: boosting your libido and rebuilding intimacy is possible.

Natural Ways to Boost Libido

Manage Stress

Stress is a major libido killer… of course! When you’re overwhelmed, your body produces cortisol, which can lower your sex drive. 

Try incorporating stress-reducing activities into your daily routine. This could be:

Finding time to relax and unwind can help reduce cortisol levels and make space for desire.

Exercise Regularly

Physical activity is good for your physical health, AND it also boosts your mood and energy levels. Exercise increases blood flow, which is critical for sexual response, and releases endorphins that can enhance your overall sense of well-being. 

Just like Elle Woods brilliantly said in Legally Blonde, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.”

But in all seriousness, if you’re able, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week to see improvements in your libido.

Prioritize Sleep

How do you feel when you have a few nights of minimal sleep? Pretty terrible, if I had to guess.  

Lack of sleep can wreak havoc on your libido. When you’re tired, everything else takes a backseat, including your sex drive. 

Make sure you’re getting enough restful sleep each night. Establish a bedtime routine that signals to your body that it’s time to wind down, and try to keep a consistent sleep schedule.

Eat a Balanced Diet

What you eat can have a significant impact on your libido. Foods rich in vitamins and minerals, like leafy greens, nuts, and lean proteins, can boost your energy and support hormone production. Avoid processed foods and high-sugar diets, which can lead to energy crashes and hormonal imbalances.

Connect Emotionally

Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy when it comes to boosting your libido. Spend time with your partner without distractions. Have deep conversations, laugh together, and share your thoughts and feelings. Building emotional closeness can naturally lead to a rekindling of sexual desire.

Intentional Ways to Increase Intimacy

Schedule Intimate Time

It might not sound romantic, but scheduling time for intimacy can be a game-changer. Life is busy, and without intention, intimacy can fall by the wayside. Set aside regular “date nights” or moments where you can focus solely on each other without interruptions. This creates anticipation and allows you to mentally prepare for intimacy.

Practice Physical Affection

Not all touch needs to lead to sex. Sometimes, holding hands, cuddling, or giving each other massages can build a physical connection that rekindles desire. 

Communicate Openly

Talk to your partner about your feelings and desires. Open communication can help clear up misunderstandings and bring you closer. Discuss what you both need to feel more connected and work together to create an environment where both of you feel desired and appreciated.

Make A List of New Things to Try Together 

Novelty can reignite passion. This doesn’t mean you need to be overly adventurous in the bedroom necessarily, although that’s an option, but trying new activities together can create excitement. 

It could be as simple as cooking a new recipe, taking a dance class, or planning a weekend getaway.

Medical Considerations about Libido

Medical conditions and hormonal changes, such as those experienced during menopause, perimenopause, pregnancy, and post-partum, can significantly impact libido and sexual desire. 

These life stages often bring fluctuations in hormone levels, particularly estrogen and testosterone, which play crucial roles in sexual function. For instance, decreased estrogen during menopause can lead to vaginal dryness and discomfort, while fluctuating hormones in pregnancy can affect energy levels and mood. 

If you’re concerned that something is causing a change in your libido, talk with your doctor. There are tests to assess your hormone levels and ensure they are within optimal ranges, helping you address any underlying issues and find appropriate solutions.

If you’ve tried these strategies and still feel stuck, remember that you don’t have to navigate this alone. A sex and couples therapist can provide individualized support to help you and your partner reconnect. 

Therapy offers a safe space to explore the underlying issues affecting your libido and intimacy.

Don’t wait to seek help if you need it. A fulfilling, intimate relationship is within reach. 

Ready for help today? Contact us to schedule a session with one of our experienced therapists. 

Let’s work together to bring back the spark.